I had completely lost myself. The emptiness I felt inside, the emotional pain, I tried to suppress with lots of festivals, drinks and drugs.
None of this worked. I lost group after group of friends. I lost girlfriends due to jealousy. I lied about everything. I regularly found myself at the emergency room at a party.
Why?
I was completely lost. I was afraid of any type of rejection and I did everything to avoid that rejection.
Did that work?
No, of course not. The outside world mirrored to me exactly what I experienced deep inside, namely rejection. And that hurt. A lot of pain…
Although somewhere inside I knew it could be different. A world where I live in pain, surely there must be a more beautiful side?
Desperately I searched. Psychologist after psychologist. Therapist after therapist. Book after book. Company after company.
I kept searching but I didn't find the answer. The better life I was looking for only turned out to be worse.
Still, I didn’t give up. I kept going. I knew that one day, an answer would come. No matter how deep I was, no matter how desperate I felt at times. Change would come.
A beautiful life awaits me, I told myself regularly. Although I didn't know if I was lying to myself or if it was real. I kept on holding on to some kind of hope. Without that hope and without that perseverance, I probably wouldn't have crawled out.
But I managed… I crawled out of the valley…
More and more I came out of the light and dared to leave the darkness behind me. One transformation process after another followed. And I gained more confidence. Although I was not there yet, I saw myself progressing.
Synchronicity came my way. Life brought the right people and events my way. I started to feel more and more cared for. Life started to give me gifts. It started to reward me for the brave choices I had made.
Now… almost three years into my transformation process. I am a completely different person. I know that I am everything and nothing at the same time.
A small piece of moving energy in an infinite potential. It makes me humble and at the same time realize that I am that same creative force as the greater whole that I am a part of.
Life works for me, through me and around me. And although I certainly still have pieces and encounter them regularly, I feel freer, more authentic and happier every day. I feel like a source of inspiration with a message for the world.
A message of change! A message of a (new) original world. Heaven on earth!
Curious about my whole story, all the darkness I have experienced and how you can achieve that ultimate change?
Love,
Brian