{"id":5497,"date":"2023-12-16T17:12:06","date_gmt":"2023-12-16T16:12:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.brianvanleeuwen.com\/?p=5497"},"modified":"2024-04-12T17:16:19","modified_gmt":"2024-04-12T15:16:19","slug":"ik-was-mijzelf-compleet-kwijt-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.brianvanleeuwen.com\/en\/ik-was-mijzelf-compleet-kwijt-2\/","title":{"rendered":"I had completely lost myself"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Today a year ago I wrote the following and now I see it passing by, while I just come out of my morning dip in the Nile. I think it's great to share this with you again \"\ud83d\ude4c\"<\/span><\/b><\/p><\/div><\/div>

I completely lost myself for a few years. The emptiness I felt inside, the emotional pain, I tried to suppress with lots of festivals, drinking and drugs.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

None of this worked. I lost group after group of friends. I lost girlfriends due to jealousy. I lied about everything. I regularly found myself at the emergency room at a party.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Why? I was completely lost. I was afraid of any type of rejection and I did everything to avoid that rejection.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Did that work? No, of course not. The outside world mirrored to me exactly what I experienced deep inside, namely rejection. And that hurt. A lot of pain\u2026\"\"<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Although somewhere inside I knew it could be different. A world where I live in pain, surely there must be a more beautiful side?<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Desperately I searched. Psychologist after psychologist. Therapist after therapist. Book after book. Company after company.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

I kept searching but I didn't find the answer. The better life I was looking for only turned out to be worse.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Still, I didn\u2019t give up. I kept going. I knew that one day, an answer would come. No matter how deep I was, no matter how desperate I felt at times. Change would come.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

A beautiful life awaits me, I told myself regularly. Although I didn't know if I was lying to myself or if it was real. I kept on holding on to some kind of hope. Without that hope and without that perseverance, I probably wouldn't have crawled out.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

But I managed\u2026 I crawled out of the valley\u2026<\/p><\/div><\/div>

More and more I came out of the light and dared to leave the darkness behind me. One transformation process after another followed. And I gained more confidence. Although I was not there yet, I saw myself progressing.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Synchronicity came my way. Life brought the right people and events my way. I started to feel more and more cared for. Life started to give me gifts. It started to reward me for the brave choices I had made.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Now\u2026 almost three (now four) years later in my process of transformation. I am a completely different person. I know that I am everything and nothing at the same time.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

A small piece of moving energy in an infinite potential. It makes me humble and at the same time realize that I am that same creative force as the greater whole that I am a part of.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Life works for me, through me and around me. And although I certainly still have pieces and encounter them regularly, I feel freer, more authentic and happier every day. I feel like a source of inspiration with a message for the world.<\/p><\/div><\/div>

A message of change! A message of a (new) original world. Heaven on earth!<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Curious about my whole story, all the darkness I have experienced and how you can achieve that ultimate change?<\/div><\/div>

Read and discover it here<\/a><\/strong><\/p>

Together we create heaven on earth,\u00a0<\/p><\/div><\/div>

Love from Egypt,<\/div>

Brian<\/p>

Go back to all blogs here<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/p><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today a year ago I wrote the following and now I see it passing by, while I just come out of my morning dip in the Nile. I think it's great [\u2026]<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"author":217,"featured_media":5499,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"yoast_head":"\nIk was mijzelf compleet kwijt - Brian van Leeuwen<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.brianvanleeuwen.com\/en\/ik-was-mijzelf-compleet-kwijt-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ik was mijzelf compleet kwijt - Brian van Leeuwen\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Vandaag een jaar geleden schreef ik onderstaande en zie ik nu voorbijkomen, terwijl ik net uit mijn ochtenddip in de Nijl kom. 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