{"id":2655,"date":"2023-04-16T16:41:25","date_gmt":"2023-04-16T14:41:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.brianvanleeuwen.com\/?p=2655"},"modified":"2023-04-17T16:49:40","modified_gmt":"2023-04-17T14:49:40","slug":"ik-was-een-strijder-van-de-nacht","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.brianvanleeuwen.com\/en\/ik-was-een-strijder-van-de-nacht\/","title":{"rendered":"I was a warrior of the night"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was a warrior of the night, a warrior of the harder styles. I lived for the festivals. That was my life. Because I still remember it like it was yesterday\u2026 My very first pill\u2026<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

I had just turned 18 and before that I had been drinking, smoking weed occasionally and doing coke once when drunk, but other than that I hadn't done any hard drugs yet.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My very first festival\u2026 Decibel Outdoor\u2026 Just 18 years old\u2026 It had to happen sometime. I found it exciting. Especially because I had often told myself never to do drugs, but I had already broken that promise to myself. So that first pill\u2026 That was also possible as far as I was concerned.\"\"<\/span><\/p>\n

I dared to do it because I saw so many people enjoying the pills. I was insecure myself. I always was. When I wasn't using drugs I felt small, lonely and insecure.<\/strong> <\/em>I had a hard time connecting with people. I really wasn't good at that. I found the outside world scary and I was very anxious in myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

but that one pill\u2026 That f**king first pill\u2026 It changed everything. For the first time I really felt love. I could suddenly connect with people. I could dance all day long. I dared to talk to people without fear. I had no shame. I felt free and without boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was at that same moment that I (unconsciously) decided the following. Festivals\u2026 Combined with drugs\u2026 that combination gives me love.<\/strong> That's gonna be my life from now on. I'm gonna live for the festivals. I'm gonna live for the drugs. I'm gonna live for the weekends.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I loved it. I\u2019m not going to lie. It was fantastic. And for a very long time, I felt like things were going well, apart from the fact that all sorts of patterns and addictions had already been developing. I just didn\u2019t realize it myself\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

For about seven years I was able to keep it pretty much \u201cunder control\u201d.<\/strong> I combined my intense partying and drug use with study, sports and work. That went well for a long time \u201cin my opinion\u201d. Why? Study and work didn\u2019t interest me either. Festivals were my life. As long as I was fit in the weekend and could do my thing, I would survive the weekdays.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I did, but of course it happened regularly that I was not at school on Monday and later at work (as I got older). And that Monday not being there sometimes became Tuesday not being there either.<\/span><\/p>\n

Without realizing it, I sank deeper and deeper, but I didn't dare to face the truth.<\/span><\/p>\n

I first came into contact with GHB<\/h2>\n

I felt like things really went downhill really fast when I first came into contact with GHB. The past had already shown me that I no longer had my festival and drug use under control and it was becoming increasingly (self)destructive. That same GHB use made sure that I completely lost myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

I lost more and more people. I ended up in the first aid at festivals more and more often. I was passing out at afters. And eventually, under the influence of GHB, I almost drove myself into the guardrail on the highway.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It was at that moment that I first really realized that I had problems and that things couldn't go on like this...<\/span><\/p>\n

The warrior in me was shattered. In a period of more than ten years he had completely lost himself. Lost in the arms of his great love \u201cfestivals\u201d. This great love eventually turned its back on the warrior.<\/span><\/p>\n

What I am grateful for are the festivals, because they made me change. And did I succeed? Yes, definitely!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

I have been in a beautiful and intense transformation process for over three years. I guide workshops, retreats and 1-on-1 transformative sessions. I have had various teachers, including Robert Bridgeman, Ari\u00ebtte Loeffen-in Het Veld and Maarten Oversier.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And since my book came out last December, I've been on stage and I can inspire others through my experiences and acquired wisdom. It's so magical what happens when you decide to work on yourself (transformatively). Then suddenly it's as if all your deepest desires become reality.<\/strong> And often when something seems \u201cas if\u201d it is so.<\/span><\/p>\n

That is something I would not have dared to dream of three years ago. And something I would not have thought about for a second four years ago, because at that moment I was at my lowest.<\/span><\/p>\n

Today I feel grateful for all the lessons.<\/strong> Today I feel free, happy and more and more full of love. Today I feel myself becoming bigger and bigger and I experience more and more that we all come from the same Source and that is love.<\/span><\/p>\n

(This photo is an ode to the warrior in me who had so much fun at festivals, but at the same time completely lost himself in it. Photo is from 2016)<\/span><\/p>\n

Let me know what you think about this? \u2764\ufe0f<\/span><\/p>\n

Love,<\/span><\/p>\n

Brian<\/span><\/p>\n

Curious about my whole story? You can check them here<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

I have also developed an online training that can help you to start living from your own essence. You can find them here!<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Go back to all blogs here<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was a warrior of the night, a warrior of the harder styles. I lived for the festivals. That was my life. Because I remember [\u2026]<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2656,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2655","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"yoast_head":"\nIk was een strijder van de nacht - Brian van Leeuwen<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ik was een strijder van de nacht, een strijder van de hardere stijlen. Ik leefde voor de festivals. Dat was immers mijn leven. 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