{"id":2416,"date":"2023-02-01T14:57:19","date_gmt":"2023-02-01T13:57:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.brianvanleeuwen.com\/?p=2416"},"modified":"2023-02-15T15:00:27","modified_gmt":"2023-02-15T14:00:27","slug":"ik-deed-mijzelf-zo-te-kort","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.brianvanleeuwen.com\/en\/ik-deed-mijzelf-zo-te-kort\/","title":{"rendered":"I was selling myself so short\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

For years I indulged myself, or better I should say \u201cdeprived\u201d myself, with alcohol and drug use.<\/strong><\/span> I went to festival after festival. I lost myself in relationships. I got jealous. I started manipulating and lying. I lost everyone..<\/p>\n

Where it started with a "normal" drink, cocaine was soon involved. And where I said that I would never use GHB, because that was really for junkies... I also lost myself to GHB use in my mid-twenties.\"te<\/p>\n

I lost myself to drugs. And when I had a good period I lost myself in working so hard not to have to "feel".<\/p>\n

Almost ten years of escapism passed and I almost lost myself. No psychologist or psychiatrist could help me and I didn't dare to go to an addiction clinic. I was too ashamed of myself for that.<\/p>\n

I had no idea how to get out, but I managed.<\/strong><\/p>\n

After a near car accident while on GHB I decided that things had to change. After all, I could have died. Worse yet\u2026 others could have died\u2026<\/p>\n

So I decided that things had to be different. And then\u2026 then the universe started working for me.<\/p>\n

Spirituality came my way. I decided to go on a transformation retreat. I decided to work on myself. I took a transformation coach and not much later I moved to the South of France where I was allowed to work in depth on my own transformation process for 15 months.<\/p>\n

I came into contact with spiritual teachers, I listened to podcast after podcast of Giel and many others. I fell in love with life. Even though all that \u201ctransforming\u201d was sometimes very uncomfortable and painful. I felt that I was starting to live again. And the deeper I came home to myself, the more gifts the universe started to give me.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, three years have passed. I travel the world. I have, I think I can now say, a successful practice, I give workshops, I am on stage and I am allowed to inspire more and more young people and (young) adults.<\/strong> <\/em>I am grateful for life. I am writing this from a coffee shop in Old Jaffa in Israel and right now someone is smoking a joint next to me in that shop. How funny can it be, but no, I don't need to get high on drugs anymore, I am getting more and more high on life.<\/p>\n

And perhaps the most beautiful thing I am grateful for right now is the following\u2026<\/p>\n

Early December my first book "It could have ended differently" was published. It is a compelling and intense story in which I write extensively about the depth of transformation and the emptiness of addiction. Where I also provide tools to get started with 21 transformation methods in addition to the story.<\/p>\n

Curious? Get your copy here.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Love,
\nBrian<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Go back to all blogs here<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For years I indulged myself or better I should say \u201cshorted myself\u201d with alcohol and drug use. I went to festival after festival. I lost myself in [\u2026]<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2417,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2416","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"yoast_head":"\nIk deed mijzelf zo te kort... - Brian van Leeuwen<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ik ging festival na festival af. Ik verloor mijzelf in relaties. Ik werd jaloers. Ik begon te manipuleren en te liegen. 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