{"id":2254,"date":"2022-12-16T18:52:38","date_gmt":"2022-12-16T17:52:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.brianvanleeuwen.com\/?p=2254"},"modified":"2022-12-18T19:04:52","modified_gmt":"2022-12-18T18:04:52","slug":"ik-was-mijzelf-compleet-kwijt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.brianvanleeuwen.com\/en\/ik-was-mijzelf-compleet-kwijt\/","title":{"rendered":"I had completely lost myself"},"content":{"rendered":"

I had completely lost myself. The emptiness I felt inside, the emotional pain, I tried to suppress with lots of festivals, drinks and drugs.<\/p>\n

None of this worked. I lost group after group of friends. I lost girlfriends due to jealousy. I lied about everything. I regularly found myself at the emergency room at a party.\"Ik<\/p>\n

Why?<\/strong>
\nI was completely lost. I was afraid of any type of rejection and I did everything to avoid that rejection.<\/p>\n

Did that work?<\/strong>
\nNo, of course not. The outside world mirrored to me exactly what I experienced deep inside, namely rejection. And that hurt. A lot of pain\u2026<\/p>\n

Although somewhere inside I knew it could be different. A world where I live in pain, surely there must be a more beautiful side?<\/p>\n

Desperately I searched. Psychologist after psychologist. Therapist after therapist. Book after book. Company after company.<\/p>\n

I kept searching but I didn't find the answer. The better life I was looking for only turned out to be worse.<\/p>\n

Still, I didn\u2019t give up. I kept going. I knew that one day, an answer would come. No matter how deep I was, no matter how desperate I felt at times. Change would come.<\/p>\n

A beautiful life awaits me, I told myself regularly. Although I didn't know if I was lying to myself or if it was real. I kept on holding on to some kind of hope. Without that hope and without that perseverance, I probably wouldn't have crawled out.<\/p>\n

But I managed\u2026 I crawled out of the valley\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

More and more I came out of the light and dared to leave the darkness behind me. One transformation process after another followed. And I gained more confidence. Although I was not there yet, I saw myself progressing.<\/p>\n

Synchronicity came my way. Life brought the right people and events my way. I started to feel more and more cared for. Life started to give me gifts. It started to reward me for the brave choices I had made.<\/p>\n

Now\u2026 almost three years into my transformation process<\/strong>. I am a completely different person. I know that I am everything and nothing at the same time.<\/p>\n

A small piece of moving energy in an infinite potential. It makes me humble and at the same time realize that I am that same creative force as the greater whole that I am a part of.<\/p>\n

Life works for me, through me and around me. And although I certainly still have pieces and encounter them regularly, I feel freer, more authentic and happier every day. I feel like a source of inspiration with a message for the world.<\/p>\n

A message of change! A message of a (new) original world. Heaven on earth!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Curious about my whole story, all the darkness I have experienced and how you can achieve that ultimate change?<\/p>\n

Read and discover it here<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Love,
\nBrian<\/p>\n

Go back to all blogs here<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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